Holiday update!

     It's been a while folks!  What has this Korean been up to you ask?  Working my gundae(military) post, studying a little, and enjoying myself with the guilty pleasures the city has to offer (mostly alcohol), the latter of which has managed to completely drain my bank account at the moment, haha.  I've seriously never spent this type of money when going out back home but it seems so much easier here.  The biggest contributing factor being that imported alcohol is marked up anywhere from 30 to 100%.  I'm ashamed and I wish I could just go out for dollar beers like I used to but what are you going to do, hehe.  With my heterosexual male companion, Jun Sun (or Lars, as named by his Canadian host mother), I've managed to stave off boredom for the better part of almost a year.  I've also become quite adept at typing in Korean now too, which is crazy.  Only took a couple months of forcing myself to chat to my Korean friends in Hangul.  Other than that, I've been meeting girls here and there but none have connected with me that well.  I really want a girl!

     As most of you know, I was planning a glorious, two week visit to Fayettenam, but those plans got cancelled due to personal reasons.  Have no fear, Captain Craig shall make his triumphant return in the year of 2013, believe that!  I play it off like it's no big deal, but I really was devastated.  I wanted to see my friends, my brother, and my dog.  I dreamt about it.  I imagined breathing in that tantalizing, Arkansas air once again.  The smoky smell from all the fireplaces being burnt, awww yeeeuh, that's the stuff baby.  It's ok, I can vicariously experience the joy and warmth of my loved ones through Skype and free calling for now.  

     I've become horrifyingly complacent with my current routine and I don't like it.  Most days I just come home from work, eat, watch my shows, play a couple hours of video games and just knock out for the night.  When did I become such an old man?  With all that free time, I'd rather be working a second job after work but tutoring/teaching jobs have been hard to come by.  Most people want to hire full time or they hire someone from one of the good colleges here to teach their children.  Not being the slightest bit of envious, but come on people, do you want your children to learn book English or do you want them to actually be able to speak the language?  I understand they need to pass their tests and what not and have no problems with that.  I quit my old teaching job a while back because of the commute from there back home.  I would have to go straight there without time to eat dinner and I'd get home around midnight on the days I would work.  Plus, for the services I was providing, which were speaking/academic writing and the occasional math tutoring (I am an engineer after all :)), I wasn't getting competitive enough pay when compared with other people with lesser skill sets.  Not to mention the majority of the students, who weren't in the slightest bit motivated to do any work I assigned them or learn while in class.  I can be the best teacher in the world but if they don't match my enthusiasm in class, my desire to teach is going to fade.  Anyway, I've been looking for opportunities to make extra cash but nothing yet.

     Music.  I met a person through Craigslist (don't laugh at me, I'm desperate) who was looking for a guitar player to gig with a while ago.  We met a couple times and they seemed enthused about my playing but with my luck, they shaded out and haven't contacted me since lol.  WTF.  I'm seriously going crazy without my music.  One of the last remaining pure joys in my life here and I can't find anyone to play with.  Why not gig by myself?  Have you ever played with other people?  Playing off that musical chemistry you have with someone, it's orgasmic.  I've neglected Natalie (my guitar) for a long time and the only musical satisfaction I get these days is when I go to noraebangs (karaoke) with my friends, which is quite often.  If you guys have any music that gets your jimmies rustled, let this brother know, I want to be inspired to play again.  I've been thinking about picking my sax up again, after all, I was originally known as Saxyman :)  

     Christmas is around the corner so it's time for me to go and buy everyone cards again.  Apologies if they get there a bit after, international mail is so slow.  If any of you want, I'd really like the book The 4 Hour Chef by Tim Ferriss.  Perfect book for a wannabe chef/foody like me, it has other really interesting content in it.  If you've never heard of it, look it up on Youtube and read about it.  Even if you're not a chef, it's probably one of the coolest concepts for a book I've heard of in a long time.  If I don't receive a copy from you, it's ok, I'll just hate you for a little bit.  Haha, not really, I'll probably end up ordering it off Amazon anyway.  What else...I need to find out if Pittsburgh wants me to reapply to my graduate program since my deferral to the program will only last until Fall 2013.  That is why I've been studying for the GRE again, just in case.  I really can't wait to be back in school, but more importantly working so I can actually contribute to society.  All my friends out there working and advancing your careers, I'm jealous of you.  Try taking a 2 year break from work.  It sounds like a dream, but it is not lol.  Too much time inside of one's head is the path to insanity I tell you.  

     That's about it for this one guys.  Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I didn't get to celebrate this year nor did I get to watch all the football games.  ESPN updates on my phone doesn't do it justice.  Everyone stay warm too!  It's bloody freezing here.  The wind chill is nothing to be trifled with.  So cold, your snot will freeze and that's no lie.  Not that I would know or anything...Love and miss you guys.  I miss you guys this much <-----------------------------------------> x infinity.  ^^

~JK

     

A year in the land of unicorns

     Well kiddos, it's almost been a year since I've arrived in the motherland and it has gone by in a flash.  Seems just like yesterday that I was sulking over how much I hated it here and how much I missed Fayetteville.  That is no longer the case and I find myself turning into a full on Koreano more and more each day.  I've acclimated so well that sometimes I find myself entertaining the thought of living here after my service.  Too bad we don't have teleporters so that we could go back and forth as we pleased.  Someday though, someday ^^.  Having experienced virtually everything that I could have here, all that's left is finding me a woman, yeah!  Actually, I've been meeting girls here and there and although it's fun, I still haven't been able to find a keeper.  When I mention that I'm going back after I'm done with my service, they seem to put in their mind that I won't be as serious a partner as someone who would live here afterwards.  The youngest girl I was talking to was 20 years old (go ahead, call me a cradle robber) but it turned out she was too immature for my taste.  Out of all the girls I've met though, the ones I really liked were nursing students/nurses.  Actually, I still like one of them but I haven't said anything because they kind of think I'm a man whore because I went around and collected all the girls' numbers.  How the hell does that make me look like a man whore if I didn't have a hidden agenda in getting the numbers.  Korea's funny that way.
    I haven't had anything exciting happen to me in a long time.  Just going out after work with friends and enjoying the bountiful pleasures the city offers in the evening.  I'm patiently waiting for winter to get here.  It's only been up in the 90s here but that coupled with the retarded high humidity and there is no way that you can walk around with sweating and feeling nasty the entire day.  It seriously feels like the rainforest here, especially on days when it rains or the days following it.  A couple more months and I finally get to come back home for a week and a half or so.  It'll be the last time I visit Fayetteville before and after I finish my service so I need to take advantage of every single day I'm there.  So much to do and so many people to see, my brain's exploding just thinking about what all I want to do when I get there.
     I wish I had more to say, but honestly I've been way too busy lately and never even think about writing in this thing anymore.  It used to be that I'd be looking forward to writing about what I did that day, but these days I find that it's more of a chore.  No matter how much I write to show how much fun it is here, I feel that words will never do the actual experience justice.  If it means anything, anytime I go and do something really fun with my friends here, I can't help but think that it would be even better if all of you were here to enjoy it with me.  Especially to all my friends who love karaoke, the noraebangs here (private karaoke rooms with food/alcohol service) are like heaven for people like you and me.  Around $18/hour plus however much time the front desk gives you as service, it's awesome.  Drink as much as you want and belt out your favorite tunes with no fear of embarrassment or judgement from complete strangers.  My Korean has gotten to the point where I'm comfortable singing/rapping in Korean now.  Haha, if only you guys could listen, it's a trip.
    That's it for now, don't really have anything else to say.  I don't know who reads this anymore (Russell you bastard, can't believe you haven't read a single post) so it might be last post for a long time until something worthwhile happens.  모르겠다, 담에보자 친구들아, 빠이빠이! ^^
Korean typing FTW bitches.  Miss and love y'all.
~JK

Blog entry 7/5/2012

It’s been almost a month since Andrew’s been here.  Although I’ve had to work for most of the time, we’ve still managed to venture into Seoul and enjoy its’ offerings, the main course being alcohol and the food.  Korea, unlike the US, has a limited amount of tourist spots.  Lots of old palaces and temples, historic villages in the countryside, and regions that have their own particular tourist attraction.  I can see how someone who’s visited a fair amount of the attractions could get tired of seeing the same thing in a different location.  Don’t get me wrong, seeing the culture and history of a foreign country is interesting and all, but I find living like a local to be far more appealing, especially if your stay is longer than a week or two. 

            Andrew has seen most of the touristy spots with and without me.  I’m sure he’ll post plenty of pictures, as he doesn’t hesitate to take pictures of the little oddities and quirks that you come across while walking the streets of Seoul.  The funniest of them being the ridiculous English fails on signs and posters.  Aside from the tourist stuff, I’ve taken him with me around the city to all the places that I frequent and met some of my friends who showed him how real Koreans spend a night out.  This usually ends with Andrew passed out on the table while my friends and I are still drinking and eating.  Also, thanks to Andrew I’ve been able to find some tasty new places to go to when he leaves.  One of them being this Mexican place called Tomatillo.  Oh how I’ve missed the taste of home and this place satiates my intense love for south of the border cuisine.  I also had to increase my alcohol tolerance for the first couple of weeks since I rarely get to go out and imbibe due to my hectic schedule. 

            Even though my room constantly smells like fart (thanks, Craig) and has been hard at times, it’s been nice to have someone from home to hang out with here.  Aside from my trip back to Fayetteville this November and Andrew being here, I probably won’t be seeing anyone from home for a very long time so I’m enjoying every moment I can.  I feel bad at times that I have to work and can’t show Andrew around some more but my hands are tied and it’s shitty.  I’ve some long overdue pictures to post so here they are.  Enjoy.  Until next time, love and miss y’all.

~JK

           

EDIT:;;

            We took a trip to the biggest water park in the world by square footage this past weekend called Caribbean Bay.  Went with Craig, my mom, and my youngest uncle’s family.  It was probably similar to Silver Dollar City size wise, just imagine Silver Dollar City converted into one, big water resort and that’s what it was.  The rides were all fun, the most thrilling one had to be this one called the Aqua Loop.  You stand inside this chamber with a trap door for the floor.  It counts down from 3 and the door releases, sending you plummeting straight down about 25-30 feet inside a tube and at one point you go up the tube and the tube twists again sending you down into the landing zone.  Watching people from the outside, they look like mail packets being sent up the tubes you see at the bank.  I also saw some girls who couldn’t make it up the tube since they didn’t have enough speed going down. 

            Another fun attraction was the wave pool.  However, the fun was sullied by the sheer amount of people and jackassery that took place there.  I can’t believe how big of safety Nazis the lifeguards were.  They had rope setup to limit people from getting too close to where the waves were being generated (don’t know why they would, but whatever), but they stopped generating waves because people were too close to the rope.  What’s the point of the damn rope if you’re not even going to let people up to it?  I kind of understand their point of view though since it did look like the Titanic had sunk and all the survivors were floating in the wave pool.  I’m surprised no one drowned.   It was also hilarious because I’ve never seen a lifeguard jump into the pool at any pool I’ve ever been to but at Caribbean Bay, I saw 3 to 4 lifeguards jump in, all within 30 minutes to drag people off or diffuse a situation. 

            The other thing that was worthwhile was the lazy river that ran through about half the park.  I floated it with my Uncle and his daughters first.  I just attached myself like a barnacle to my youngest cousin’s tube and floated with her.  Though it was fun, again, it was way too packed to be really enjoyable.  It really made me miss floating the rivers in Arkansas.  Don’t think anything could beat floating the Buffalo with an armada of Craigs in the middle of summer with a nice  flow rate and high water levels.  Anyway, Andrew leaves this Friday and I’m working the entire week without a break, which es no bueno.  The journey has come to an end for a Craig and hopefully his stay was pleasant.  Even though he could’ve partaken in more of the stuff you could only ever do in a foreign country, it was fun regardless.  

DOUBLE EDIT:::

     I started teaching again for some extra money.  It's only for 4 weeks and I'm teaching math this time around instead of English.  My pay got bumped up some so that's a bonus.  Other than that, life is back to normal for me. 

Bringin' that Fayettetrille flavor to Seoul

     Hello my loves.  Life's been quite eventful lately.  My public service job is taxing on the mind and the soul.  If you like doing nothing all day and meaningless work, let's trade spots.  You're thinking, oh shit, doing nothing sounds awesome, I wish that was my job.  NO YOU DON'T.  It's enough to drive someone crazy.  The monotony, lack of intellectual stimulus, and just the prospect of having to do the same, lackluster job for 2 years is frustrating.  I make do with what I've got though, through reading and trolling around on Reddit, a portion of my sanity is salvaged.  A couple weeks ago, we had to attend mandatory lectures given by the National Man Power Administration.  What's funny is that most of the lecturers were fairly attractive (good guy government, if you don't get the reference, you should Reddit =P).  From 9 am to 5 pm we were force fed things we already knew ranging from manners/etiquette to the dangers of dating crazy girls (why this was pertinent is beyond me).  There was also the expected "love thy nation" and military lecturing going on but all in all, they were basically telling us not to act like hooligans during our service but rather conduct ourselves in a manner that is befitting of a Korean man in the "military."  My "pod" mates during the week have been really cool and I actually befriended all of them rather quickly.  I find it funny that I'm treated like an object of splendor when people find out that I've lived in the states for as long as I did and that I can speak English lol.  It gets old fast though, when people constantly ask you where you're from, when you left, blah blah blah, the obligatory "oh damn, you're not from here? Cool" questions.
     Weather here in Seoul completely vaulted over spring and went straight into summer.  In celebration, I of course, had to break out the good ol' Rainbow flip flops.  This particular pair I've worn for at least 2 years I think and they're still going strong.  I recently moved downstairs from my grandma's house to a little apartment/house thingy.  My own separate haven, full of privacy.  I can sing and play guitar as loud as I want to without thinking about anyone else.  I can listen to music, play games, anything I want.
     WinCraig is coming here to stay for a month from June to July.  I'm excited to introduce him to my friends here as they have never really interacted with a full on foreigner before (I don't count apparently, I'm Korean  -_-).  The only unfortunate thing is that I'll be working while he's here, but I don't think it'll be too much of a problem.  Finally, someone who will go busking in the subway with me on my day off.  I know I've been slacking on the pictures lately but I promise I'll post some soon.
     Most days I feel like a beat up rag doll that's been trampled on by a stampede but I don't have the option of quitting.  I may bitch and whine to my parents about not wanting to go to work or my service but I do it anyway, always on time, with a damn smile.  I've gradually ringed the bitch out of my system to the point where there is only a remnant of bitch-ness.  I'm almost bitch free.  I can feel that it's close.  It'll soon be a relic of days past.  I will be.  Bitch. Free.
     Other than that, it's business as usual here in the future.  You know what's crazy?  Sometimes I entertain the thought of actually living here.  Most of the schooling is in English, including tests and what not.  The companies here are all international in some way so there would be opportunities to work in those places.  I just don't know if I'd pick living here over the states.  I still find that my cultural background clashes a lot with Korean society and although I acknowledge the culture here, I secretly loathe it.  The biggest thing that is apparent is the lust for wealth and material things.  Sure, I'd like to have the nice things that come with being a successful person, but I don't see it as something that I can't live without.  Even if I do make a lot of money, I'm still going to conduct myself as a laid back, Fayetteville hippie.  While most people my age are dressed to the nines, I'm perfectly content with walking around in shorts and my Fayettechill tee, haha.  I do dress nicely when there is an occasion to go out or what not, but I don't see a point in going through the trouble when there isn't an occasion to put the effort in.  Maybe that's my laziness talking. Aside from these inconsequential first world problems, I'm getting on just fine.  I've met a lot of chill, genuine people and my life here has been enriched because of them.
     Not much else has been going on.  I'm coming back in the fall to Fayetteville for a quick visit using my vacation days so await my glorious return!  Until then, love and miss y'all.
~JK

The public service agent's life

It's been almost a month since I've started my public service and I must say it's not what I expected.  The work's not too bad and there isn't much to it.  Go out on patrol here and there, answer the phone if you're in the office, and just lounging if there's no work.  I've been making use of my free time here catching up on some reading.  I just finished Common's It'll All Make Sense One Day and almost done with the second book in the Divine Comedy, Purgatorio.  The hours are the standard 9AM to 6PM but the worst thing is that we now have to work the entire weekend.  So instead of resting on the weekend like normal people, we have to take days off during the week to rest.  Since this place is a park/resort, most of the traffic is on the weekends so everyone comes out then and during the week only about half the guys come out.
    I've noticed the utter lack of fun pictures on this blog.  My motivation kind of fell off after the first month or two of writing but I'll start again, starting....now :)

That bunch is my squad from training camp with my drill sergeant in the middle.

Not the most photogenic picture but it's got a fun story attached to it.  It was our drill sergeant's vacation from the base so a group of us went to show him a good time.  All I can say is that I haven't had that much alcohol in my system since freshmen year of college.  I think we ended up spending the equivalent of around $1000 that night (I know, I'm ashamed).  If you'd like to know why we spent so much money, just ask me next time and I'll tell you, it's quite funny.  Anyway, this picture is at the end of the night where I parted ways with my brethren and an extremely inebriated drill sergeant.  Cheers.

This was taken on my mom's birthday a couple weeks ago with my baby cousin.

Karaoke room shenanigans.  The best thing about Korea is the food they give you while you get your drank on.  Less hungover in the morning = winning.

Passin' out early like a champ.

Seafood pancakes with Makgeolri.

     That's all of the worthwhile pictures I have, others are just random snaps.  I used to take pictures like a madman wherever I'd go, but these days I revel in the moment.  Sure, pictures can remind you of an enjoyable event in the past but meaningful experiences imprint lasting memories in your mind and that is what I'm striving for.  That's not to say I won't document my journey along the way, I've kind of turned into a picture whore since I've left the states ^_^, not to mention I've become slightly more Asian in my mannerisms.  However, it's not enough to take over my Southern-ness (is that even a word?).  

     Oh how I miss the South and it's glorious weather.  I miss the food, the people, the laid back environment, patio beers and live music in the summer, hell, I just miss everything.  Seoul's pretty fun too but it lacks a certain charm that the South has.  Maybe it's just me, I don't know.  Other than that, I'm doing just dandy, working hard and hardly working simultaneously like a BOSS.  I'm planning to visit Fayetteville in the fall using up my vacation days for the year.  I'm thinking around Thanksgiving time-ish (can't miss the Arkansas/LSU game, ya noob) or maybe a little after.  I just want to make it around the time when most folks will be home for the holiday.  Until then my friends, spread the love to those around you and I'll see y'all soon.  Holllaaaaaaaa!

JK

I'm back from training camp!

It's been a really quick month!  The first day of camp was nerve racking, filled with worries about if I'd be able to understand all the directions with my low level Korean.  I soon found out that there was no need to worry, but rather I would have to have the patience to endure through all the bullshit that was going to come my way during my month of boot camp.  There was scheduled training each week, ranging from hikes with ruck sacks, M16 marksman certification, and combat simulation.  It was all fun, especially the running in the morning without a shirt on in negative degree weather!  I felt like one of those guys on the Army posters and ads that you see here in Korea minus the 6 pack lol.  All of my squad mates were really cool and fun and our instructor was a chill guy too.  It wasn't all smiles through training and there were times when I wanted to kill some people for their stupidity.  There's nothing more infuriating than being punished for someone's idiocy over and over again.  Let's just say I'm a beast at pushups now :)
    In addition to training, we were assigned individual maintenance jobs in the barracks, along with jobs assigned to each platoon during training.  My favorite was the mess hall because we got to eat before everyone else and munched on whatever was left over from service.  My individual cleaning job was separating the trash from the whole company by material type for recycling.  That had to be the worst of all the jobs assigned.  For the majority of the trash runs, I chose to pull the heavy, rickety ass, broken wheel car while the rest of my fellow trash slaves helped push it down to the recycling center.  Why?  Because I'm awesome, and everyone needed to know, that's why!  Another one of my memorable experiences had to be night guard duty.  If you were lucky you'd get the very first or last shift, anything in between is torture.  Imagine finally achieving the deep sleep you've been yearning for all day and then being abruptly awoken by the voice of the annoying sentry telling you it's your turn to stand guard.  In a sleep deprived, drunken haze you stand still in one spot until it's the next, poor bastard's turn.
    Overall it was one of the most fun experiences I've had in my 24 years of life on this Earth.  Something I would've never thought of doing and probably wouldn't have done if it weren't for the maelstrom of entropy we call life (like the nerd reference, eh eh?).  Since I've been out, I've started my public service job for the government.  All I can say is honey hole.  This gives me plenty of time to read, browse the internet, read the news, study, etc.   The job consists of patrolling the premises and occasionally inspecting certain things that my boss tells me to.  The rest of the time we just hang out in the break room reading or using the computer.  February 15, 2014 is the date I'm done with my obligations in Korea and I foresee that I'll be back in the states sometime late spring or summer of 2014.  Also, I get 15 days of vacation every year and as long as my boss approves of my travel arrangements, I should have no problem taking a little respite in the lush, green sanctuary I call Fayetteville.  Until then, I'm going to soak up as much of Seoul as I can and savor this journey until the next chapter presents itself.  I miss all of you so much and I can't wait to see your smiling faces again.
~Much love, JK

Phase 2 of my Korean adventure is about to begin

The countdown until the second part of my Korean adventure has come down to 5 days.  The only thing about basic training I'm not looking forward to is the cold ass weather and the fact that my Korean is shittay.  I don't want to stand around like an idiot because I didn't understand some order while everyone else eagerly goes like a pack of obedient dogs.  I'm the asshole pup that's going to sit there and piss all over the carpet.  Haha!  After surviving 4 weeks, I finally get to start the countdown to the day I return to the states.  I believe it's somewhere around 1 year and 10ish months that I have to do government service for, which doesn't seem that long.  That gives me plenty of time to contemplate my future when I return.  Shall I continue with my original plan and go to Pittsburgh when I return or apply to medical school, something that I've always wanted to do?  Hmmmmm.

     It might seem that I'm not enjoying myself here in Korea, partially due to the types of stuff I write about in this blog, but I am. I would compare living here to what it was like in New York during the short time I was there.  The only complaint I have is that everything is so spread out to the point that the thought of commuting to go wherever sometimes acts as a deterrent.  The end result is me staying in some days, having a glass of wine by myself.  Other than that there are lots of fun things and good food to be experienced.  Four months have already past since I've arrived, but it seemed like the time just went by in the blink of an eye.  From a tourist standpoint, I haven't done that much in the way of sight seeing, just the bare minimum.  I loathe museums and tours filled with camera toting foreigners.  I do, however, love being immersed in a culture.  You can only learn so much from reading and going on tours, but there's much more you can learn by living amongst the people.  That's the same philosophy I teach my English students. It's sad and pathetic that the parent's of these students force their children to cram all they can out of English grammar books and what not, but the results are fruitless.  I tell the kids that the only true way to master a language is not out of books, but actually living in the country whose language you're attempting to learn or surrounding yourself with the language.  As a result of pushy parenting, a percentage of the students I teach don't even want to learn English.  They're pushed into these academies against their will and are expected to study and learn.  I don't want to teach kids who don't want to learn.  It's a waste of my time and theirs, especially if they're just going to go through the motions and turn in half assed homework assignments.  After a while, the parents don't see any improvements in their kid's English proficiency and what do they do?  They come to the academy and bitch about how bad the teacher is and that their child isn't learning anything.  NO SHIT lady.  If you took the time to actually listen to your kids and took into account what their interests are, you wouldn't be flushing money down the toilet on an extra-curricular education that isn't benefitting anybody.  That is one aspect of Korean culture that I ABSOLUTELY despise and pity.  

    Hell, I don't even know how I ended up talking about idiotic parents.  Anyway, I can't wait for warmer weather, for one of the Craigs to join me here, and to the next chapter of "The Adventures of Craig: South Korea."  I should write a book with that title.  Agree?  Until next time, miss and love y'all.  I won't be able to answer texts or emails, the whole 9 yards while in basic training so just keep that in mind, and I'll talk to you in about a month.  Byeeeeee!

~JK

Introspection

Lately I've been thinking about how I ended up where I am today.  Growing up Asian in a predominantly Caucasian state in the South has had its' challenges.  I was never worried about race when I was younger and I'm thankful but as I grew up, I found it more and more relevant to think about.  Sometimes I'm ashamed to think that I used to want so badly to fit in that I was, at times, embarrassed of my heritage to the point where I tried to hide it.  I faced my share of racism, from being on the receiving end of lingering stares and dirty looks when I would walk into a room to being called by racial slurs in public.  Thankfully, Fayetteville was in the more progressive thinking part of Arkansas so as I was going through my secondary and post-secondary education, it was pretty non-existent.  Sure, there are still remnants of racism here and there, but it's non-existent if you don't seek it out.  I truly felt as if I were an American.  Who wouldn't?  If you've spent the majority of your life in a country, shouldn't you be considered a member of that nation regardless of what some piece of paper says?
      From then until now, being in South Korea, I can't help but feel a loss of racial identity.  Leaving the country that I called home to go to my mother country, it's truly disorienting.  Here, I don't feel as if I'm really Korean.  Sure, I look Korean but my mindset and view of the world is purely American.  I found that I oppose a lot of the ways Koreans view the world and find that a lot of cultural and societal norms here leave a sour taste in my mouth.  Either way, I'm still happy to be here because I can spend time with the extended family that I didn't have in the states.  I have a sense of belonging here, although it's only when I'm surrounded by my wonderful family.  However, when I come back, I'll be coming back as an international student.  Again, I'll be viewed as a new immigrant to the states, rather than a person who was raised in the states as an American and simply had to go on leave for a couple years.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm upset with how things have turned out.  My family did everything that a normal "American" family did.  Paid our taxes, contributed to society, and participated in the community.  My LIFE as I know it was abandoned in the states when I left.  Thankfully, my friends don't see it that way and just think of it as me leaving on vacation for a short time.  They're the only reason I still feel connected to a country that didn't want me.  I'm the clingy, ginger step child of America, haha.
     My childhood has left me with some acceptance issues that I need to deal with.  I don't think it has been a totally negative thing because I've had to develop strong social skills to compensate for my fear of rejection by others.  I know that things will work out for me in the future, but this experience has left a psychological scar on me.  All I can do is push on through life, not worrying about my racial identity and focus on my identity as John Kim instead.  In the end, that's all that matters.  The color of my skin doesn't determine the people that I form relationships with and the types of experiences I will have.  When I die, people won't remember me as "that Korean guy."  They'll remember me as John Kim.  With that in mind, I'm going to continue just as I have been, developing myself into a better human being and not worrying so much about what people see on the outside.  That way, I can better resolve my issues and not acknowledge the platitudes of questioning racial identity.  We're all human after all.  Love and miss all of you to death, and in the words of Bobby Boucher a la The Waterboy, "Thank you all so much for being my friends." ^_^

~JK

Lately...

I have had the strangest feeling, with no vivid reason here to find...
     Name that song!  In other news, I have settled into a prosaic, lifeless routine here.  Most days I wake up to a grey sky, a constant reminder that I'm not in the land of milk and honey anymore.  How I miss the fresh air and breeze of the South.  Teaching at the hagwon has gotten easy and I've since got into the swing of things.  My students' initial reception of me as a teacher was filled with a cold disinterest, but I soon turned it around and most of them are coming around just nicely :).  I ended up not being able to have a real debate class because the level of English isn't there with the kids so it's turned into a presentation/creative writing/storytelling class, which I'm perfectly fine with!  I remember back in the day in junior high when we would have creative writing/free writing sessions and I loved every bit of it.  Words would flow out like an endless stream onto the paper and I'd be completely in the zone.  This is the reason why I'm surprised to see that the kids here aren't so keen on it.  I mean, how hard is it to just write about anything?  What did you do today?  What did you have to eat and was it good?  They've been told their whole lives to study this and that so much that it's hard for them to form their own opinions and thoughts, let alone be creative.  They're all good kids and I like them all so I wish to expand their minds and help them see that there is a life beyond just tests and college.  With that said, the harsh reality these kids face is an unyielding and unforgiving admissions system to college and even work, which focuses mainly on their grades and the college that they attended.  Such a hierarchical society is not conducive for self exploration and development, and for that I truly feel for these kids.  This reminds me how lucky I was to have grown up in the states, even though I got booted later, hehe.
     A little less than 3 weeks from now I'll be in boot camps for 5 weeks.  I'm a little nervous, mostly because of my shoddy Korean and the fact that it's going to be absolutely freezing by the time we start.  I've been lucky recently since the weather broke a little, it's been around the mid 40s.  After being in low 20 to teen weather, 40 feels AMAZING.  What else...I broke my headphone jack off into my laptop so I don't have sound, but my dad bought me a USB headset, thus the problem is remedied for now.  The medicine I'm taking for my weak ass heart is making me tired.  Some days, when I wake up, I just lie there and watch tv shows or movies in bed because I simply can't move or don't want to.  It's like someone gave me a big dose of FUCK IT.  Other than that, I miss all of you dearly, and we shall be reunited soon.  Love and miss y'all.
~JK